A Lovesick Messenger

Being captivated by your beauty, Jesus, your eyes of fire melting my heart, seeking to live in depths of intimacy with you + your holiness trembling my knees to the floor, is the beginning of awakening and coming out of hiding to live a life of a fiery and brave servant who beholds your beauty, Savior, and dearest Friend of mine.

I will not delay anymore.

May you find me pouring my life out like oil upon your feet as an offering and pleasant fragrance. Find me selfless and sensitive to your voice in a world that groans for what I’ve received.

It doesn’t make sense to withhold love anymore. It doesn’t make sense to live for myself anymore.

I hear your sweet yet profound whisper, “go”, the beginning of trusting and dreaming heaven-sized dreams followed with radical, intense obedience and submission to you.

Living out the call to the simplicity of childlike wonder and adoration for you, King Jesus, is the end of hiding in cages of fear, bitterness, hopelessness, disappointment, discouragement, and complacency. I don’t belong to this anymore, the tomb is empty, your victory has given me resurrection and now there is a passion, a brand-new desire to be built, grounded and locked in loving you, founder of my faith. Now I must take this to street corners and to the end of the world. Woe to me if keep silent!

I’m choosing to rise boldly and take the banner of love, and wildly run for the advancement of the gospel as my response to your blood given for every nation. I will wildly run for the advancement of the task until you return.

Find me, Oh Jesus, as a fiery disciple pouring the affection and compassion that I find with you, oh holy Man, who compels me to love purely, freely, sacrificially, boldly, unrestrained, and unreserved.  This is the kind of love that I can find only by staring at your beauty over and over again for all my days on earth to eternity.

Find me, Oh Jesus, longing to be a carrier of your pure heart and reflecting it in my face, my gaze, the sound of my voice, the words I say, and the way I am moved to action. Find me longing to show your gentleness, sweetness, kindness, and tenderness. Find me wildly longing for your heartbeat to be heard in me and to be a dwelling place for your Holy Spirit. Find me extending my heart to all humanity and genuinely taking on selfless and sacrificial love as my lifestyle. Find me chasing your ways and breathing back the life you have given me.

Teach me how to lean on you and to love. Find me, Lover of my soul, desperately wanting none of me but all of you, for I am no longer my own. I want you more than gold or silver, for only you can satisfy! You alone are my real joy giver and my stream of living water! You are better than all this temporary world can offer me.

Find me walking in holiness and in the fear of you! May I be a fragrance covered in you.

Find me caught effusively, pouring all my affection at your feet, even if I lose everything or even if man cuts this body into pieces – take all my affection, my song, my praise, my obedience, even unto death.

I’m tired of drinking from a broken cistern, oh Lord; be my source of refreshment. You are all I need! I turn to you again! May I hang on to You when I’m tempted toward earthly glitter. Find me running to the light of your holiness, to your source of eternal satisfaction. Find me running away from vanity, arrogance, immorality, sin! Find me running away from sin! Find me wrapped in the beauty of your holiness.

Open up the doors of my heart and have your way. You can take me through the fire, the rain, take me through the testing, but refine me, oh Abba, like gold. No matter what comes my way, may my soul be found loving you right now and forever. I do love you, my bridegroom. Until you return, I promise to be a messenger for the wedding.

You are intriguing and inviting; how can I get enough? Oh, what love is this? It’s compelling me like never before. It’s getting rid of a selfish life. I want to waste my life to serve you, searching you out for your glory. It’s the only thing that matters now. Oh, how it’s my privilege to serve you whatever it looks like. Even if others despise me and think I’ve lost my mind, you wrap me in your delighted smile. Let them say that I’ve lost my mind, for I will sing back, “I am HIS forever!”

I don’t want to live in worldly castles; I want to live in what will remain and will never be taken away. On my way home, when I’m tempted to believe lies about who I truly am, may what you see in me be my one true confidence. I will not look anywhere else; I am Your beloved one.

Jesus, I now commit my spirit to you. With absolute abandon, my love I confess. Take my heart, my mind, and my strength too. Find me waiting and faithful. I was made for loving you! Find me running towards you, sitting on your lap, desperately wanting to draw near to you, playing the strings of your heart, and pressing my ear to heaven. Find me tuning my ear to your heart. Let me hear the sound of your intercession, the prayer you’re praying.  Find me seeking a deeper fellowship with you. Day and night find me, oh Lover of my soul, as a deer panting for flowing streams. Find me bowing, falling more in love.

Praise the Lord O my soul! Hallelujah

**Post contributed by an Illuminate Nations Exposure Trip member

Illuminate Nations